The sun rises and it’s time to survive!

Show Notes

John and Cirie are still fighting over some alliance breakup blah blah and some backstab nonsense. I don’t really understand what this has to do with being a survivor so I fast forward through this segment as well as the opening segment. I watch the cute commercial about that new Red Lobster restaurant.

When I come back, I watch fans catch a water-snake, Chet take a bath in the ocean and a giant turtle swim. Pretty exciting so far.

On the other side, Eliza is feeling sick, which is good for television. Everyone else talks about how worthless she is and how they should have voted her out the night before while she is sitting right in front of them.

Cut to Jeff Probst who is looking HOT!!!.

Reward Challenge

Jump in water, swim underneath, grab some rocks, put the rocks in something, and then unscramble the letters on the rocks to say a word. The winners get three pet chickens to love and make friends with.

Post challenge Ozzie and Kathleen are sent to Exile Island. Ozzie tricks Kathleen into doing work while he goes searching for the hidden immunity idol. Kathleen tricks Ozzie into thinking she’s doing work and takes a nap. Ozzie finds the idol and then makes a trick one to put in the place of the old one. Ozzie’s friends back home say something like “Ozzie’s crazy, he made a trick idol and put it in place of the real one.”

Immunity Challenge

Unlock something, lock something, get out of it, maneuver around something, and (surprise!) solve a puzzle.

Tribal Council

Mikey B. gets stabbed in the dadgum back by obviously-in-charge firefighter Joel. Next week the tribes mix it up!

While tonight’s Air Guitar match at the Alamo Drafthouse didn’t have as much creativity and skill as previous matches, it more than made up for it with crowd intensity. I had my hands full as host as did the celebrity judges (Johnny Walker, Arthur Simone, and Buzz Moran).

Muff Dreamy, Hans Fretman, Master of Destruction, Firestorm, Sunbeam, Guitarmageddon, Johhny Chaos, and Rock Sack (a former champion - he finished third tonight) all turned in decent shows - but it was appetizer for the Buck Nasty vs. The Guardian main course. The crowd was split and calling for it all night - often times interrupting our celebrity judges (you don’t interrupt celebrities, especially local celebrities) and myself. Cookies were stolen and cuss words were chanted, and in the end Buck Nasty edged last month’s first place finisher The Guardian.

The lobby was crazy with activity post show with audience members loudly voicing their approval/disapproval of the decision. It was a good night - I scratched two things off my big to-do list:

1. Toss someone in the front row of the most popular movie theater in the world a warm cookie
2. Announce a big one-on-one main event ala’ professional wrestling

There’s only a couple of things left to go and then I’ll need to make a new list.

You, buy your tickets to next month’s show here!

Show Notes

This week starts off with ANOTHER recap of LAST week’s episode which is frustrating because I already did that, just like LAST week.

Mikey B confronts Joel about last week’s back stab at tribal council. Joel listens like an adult and then says something about bashing Mikey B’s head in with a bat which was is a good example of poorly crafted symbolism.

At the Favorites camp, Eliza gets invited to the Cool Kids party (the 2 couple who have sex in front of everyone) and she gets all the dirt on who they want to vote off and how much they like having sex with each other. Eliza heads back to the Boring Adults party and tells them everything. We find out that Cirie is holding all the marbles simply because she believes that she is.

This week’s tree mail contains a beautiful poem about war paint and wrestling. Everyone gets really excited and they, like, immediately start putting the paint on each others faces, you guys. One of the children on the Fans tribe has his face painted like a skeleton and it’s confusing because it’s the most camera time he’s gotten so far. Obvious spoiler warning: this means he makes it far in the game. He looks like his name is Cory but it’s Eric and he spells like Erik.

Cirie makes a deal with those two girls who have sex with Ozzie and James. It’s going to be these three to the end. They say they are going to win and most of America turns off their television.

It storms really bad at the camp and everyone talks about it being one of the worst nights of their life, which is pretty bold of them considering they have no idea how many people watching the show are also currently being rained on or worse, helping their weird kid with some homework and missing Survivor.

Reward Challenge

The Favorites win a crazy water sandbag wrestling match that is one of the coolest challenges Survivor has ever drummed up. They walk away with some boring prizes like lotion, pillows, and some more lotion (with a different scent).

Immunity Challenge

Some people hold some rope and the others throw things at something the rope is holding. The thing gets really heavy and the first team to let go of the rope loses.

The fans win the challenge because they are huge fans of the show and have seen enough episodes to understand the challenges.

Post challenge at the Favorites camp, Jonathan breaks up a party that he obviously was never invited to and he understandably gets paranoid. Meanwhile Yao-Man builds a skyscraper on the other side of the island and one of those girls who has sex does a fashion show. Jonathan and Cirie get into an argument about keeping it real. Cirie tells Jonathan to keep it real and Jonathan says that he is going to keep it real.

Tribal Council

Sadly, Yao-Man gets voted out. I have faith, however, that he will turn up on a show like Dancing With the Stars and I vow to cover wherever he ends up. VOW, people!