When The Onion called me and asked me to book/promote a comedy show for them I said “uuuuuuuuugh” and then when they said “Wait! It will be free and we’ll even give away Dewars because Dewars wants to throw a party just like we do” I said “ooooooyyyyy” and then when they said “Okay, Terp - we’ll put two full page ads in our newspaper to promote the show and your face can be in the ad” I said, “FINE, JUST GET OFF MY BACK ALREADY.”

Behind the bit: I’m excited about this show, spread the word! Email austinpromo@theonion.com with DEWARS in the subject line and kaboom! you’re on the list.